As soon as we find out that we are expecting a new baby, we almost immediately begin envisioning what our future will look like. Some things we are prepared for, like sleepless nights, because that seems to be something everyone is eager to remind us of. I don’t think there has ever been a mom who went into motherhood thinking she would sleep through the night and wake up feeling rested in the morning. We read books to prepare us for the changes ahead in pregnancy and how to achieve the delivery that we envision. We follow the experts who offer advice on child rearing so we can give our children everything that they need. But there are parts of motherhood that no one talks about.
No one talks about the toys that will take over your entire house or that throw pillows will become the most impractical piece of home décor that you own. No one warns you that you will become a human snack dispenser. Or that you will spend the majority of your day translating the language of toddler people, only to get it wrong and send the toddler people into a complete meltdown because you cut their sandwich in triangles instead of squares. But perhaps more important than any of those things is this: No one warns you that you will lose yourself in motherhood.
Somewhere between reheating your coffee for the third time and the second meltdown before lunch, you look at yourself wearing the same cheeto-stained joggers that you had on yesterday with your hair in a messy bun, and you realize you’ve lost sight of the woman you were before children. I remember pacing the house with my infant son screaming as he did every waking moment, and as I walked past the living room, my 2-year-old asked me to read a book to him. I remember thinking I left my successful, on-track-for-management career to be present with my children and raise them according to our priorities and values, and THIS… this is what I do every day? I have a screaming baby that I cannot console no matter what I do, and a toddler that begs for time with me, and I can’t give it to him because the baby needs me more. I don’t remember the last time I ate a complete meal and…have I even showered this week? Is this really what my life is now? Naturally, with that came a rush of mom guilt because, of course, I recognized the blessing it is to not only have children but to alsobe afforded the opportunity to be at home with them. But that blessing doesn’t negate the fact that motherhood is accompanied by long, exhausting days and often sleepless nights, and that takes a toll on us physically, emotionally, and mentally. We spend so much time putting the needs of others above our own that we slowly lose who we are and what our purpose in life is.
Though there is a sense of loss in who we were before children, there is also much to learn about who we are at our core and who we will become through the lessons we learn in our motherhood journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but one day you will look back and realize you are a more confident, steady, and determined version of the woman you’ve always been. Nothing helps a mother find her voice like advocating for the needs of her children. You start to realize that your intuition has a purpose and it won’t lead you astray. You begin to identify passions that may have been there all along or perhaps developed because of your experience as a mom. I don’t believe a woman can walk through motherhood and come out unchanged.
I still have a lot of motherhood ahead of me, but letting go of unrealistic expectations has allowed me the freedom to grow in my role as a mother and what that looks like for my family, specifically. Being a good mom doesn’t mean you’re perfect; it means you’re present. Hold on to that truth as you grow into the version of yourself that is still forming. Because being the truest version of yourself is the exact woman that your family needs. You’re not lost; you’re learning. That’s the reality of motherhood.