Used Cars and Teachable Moments

A few months ago I purchased a used car.  It wasn’t a particularly life changing event and yet it brought back a lesson I learned when I was 17 yrs. old.  When I say a lesson, I don’t mean that it was in a formal teaching environment or that there was a clear cause and effect event.  It was more of a teachable moment between my father and me.  When I was in high school I purchased my first car.  It was a 1965 Chevy Malibu.  It was blue with a white top and already 20 years old when I bought it.  No, my parents were not into cruel and unusual punishment, they just weren’t going to buy an expensive car for me, I was a kid.  I remember clearly going to the DMV and filling out paperwork for the title and asking my Dad about putting down the purchase price of the car, which of course the tax was based on.  To this day I remember every word of the conversation.  His comment to me was this, “You can put down whatever you want but you have a choice, you can save a little money or you can do what is right.”  That was it, he was done.  It was up to me.  That was a teachable moment.

The youth of today have even more options to find a great vehicle. If you’re located in Minnesota, you can try a Minnesota used car finder to help you find the perfect car. By researching before you buy, looking at detailed inspection reports, and taking test drives, you can ensure that you get a car that is safe and reliable.

You can read on the internet, in articles or even in the newspaper and get many different meanings of a teachable moment.  Here is the definition that I use.  A teachable moment is something that occurs between a parent or adult and a pre-adolescent or older child (an event that occurs with those capable of abstract thinking).  It is not connected to discipline or punishment (not a formal cause and effect learning situation). It is the opportunity to point out a free choice that one has in the face of a moral or ethical dilemma (a choice between right and wrong or good and bad).  The last part is the most important; a moral or ethical dilemma.  Whether we realize it or not, our children are faced with these every day.  Should I lie to my teacher about my homework, should I look on her paper during the test, should I copy this article from the internet, should I keep that wallet I found on the ground, etc?  Unfortunately, we don’t always guide them through these difficulties.

Over the years, I have worked with many families that believed their job was done after formal teaching.  They did not understand the whole modeling and guiding aspect of parenting.  Yet, it is during these times when our children most need guidance to know how to apply the formal teaching they have already received.  Knowledge without understanding of application is useless.  When we leave children to face moral dilemmas without guidance, their fallback is often going on feeling rather than reason.  Emotions rarely drive moral decisions during adolescence.

So how do we maximize teachable moments?  First, look for them, they are everywhere.  Point out the clear choices of right and wrong.  Often children don’t ascertain in a situation that they either have a choice or what the choices are.  I didn’t really think about the option of putting down a lesser amount for my car, my father pointed that out.  That acknowledgement set up the teachable moment.  Second, attach meaning to the choices.  Address that one choice is moral and upholds what is right, is indicative or good character, honors God, etc. and that the other is inconsistent with these ideals.  My father told me I had a choice and clearly attached value to the options. Third, encourage and praise good choices.  A little reinforcement goes a long way.  My father, who is a man of little fanfare, just smiled.  I knew I made the right choice, the teachable moment was finished.

Lastly, our ability to manage teachable moments is based on our own credibility.  Our children know what type of individuals we are, whether we realize it or not.  My father has credibility with me.  My mother does as well.  I have no memory of them ever lying to me, being dishonest to others or even making immoral decisions.  Now, I am not saying that parents have to be perfect, we can’t be.  We do however have to live lives of good moral character to have any credibility when we attempt to help our children maneuver through moral dilemmas.  When we have credibility, they pay attention.  As with my father, because he is a moral man, teachable moments come easily and often……I still get them today.