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Missed A Big Buck Lately? This Columns for You – Antlerology 101

Jeff Ell SmallIf you know a hunter, you’ve undoubtedly heard the same old story that goes something like this: “There was this giant buck right in front of me, I had my sights on him, I shot, and he walked away.”

Confused and inconsolable, they go on and on about a futile search for blood and hair, and end their tale with hi-pitched squeals of, “I just couldn’t of missed” as they shake their heads and pound their fists on the kitchen table.

I’ve heard this story dozens of times. I’ve even told it myself. It’s the same story that was painted on cave walls, and shared around the settlers smoky fires.

So I asked myself, “How is it that all these stories are so similar?” I wondered if there might be more to this phenomenon than simple hunter error, and if there could be a scientific, fact based explanation for all these unexplainable and mysteriously errant shots that involve big bucks.

Then while perched in tree a few weeks ago, contemplating this mystery, I had an explanatory phenomenological epiphany. A flash of insight which hit me so hard that I felt for a moment that the very tree to which my stand was attached might be uprooted by the very force of its profound and elegant simplicity. A hard science revelation that will forever liberate hunters from silly myths about misaligned sights, or so called “buck fever.” I’ll try to keep this thumbnail explanation as simple as possible for the non-scientist among us.

As you know antlers are attached to the skull of the deer; therefore the contiguous exo-osseous composition is a perfect pathway for the neurological activity happening within the animal’s cerebral cortex. This neurological energy travels through the horns and is then released through the antler points. As this energy is released it creates a neuro-magnetic energy field which has the potential to distort and even damage the molecular structure of nearby objects. (Similar to the invisible force we feel when we attempt to put magnets with opposing polarity together)

As a buck matures, and the size and number of his points increase, the amount of energy and power of the temporal field distortion grows exponentially. The energy in the containment field created by the opposing antlers is amplified by several coefficients: the length and number of points, distance between the opposing beams, (the inside spread) and the gravitational potential, (mass) of the antlers.

This energy is then broadcast by the semi-spherical shape of the rack. This is why deer have antlers that grow into that all too familiar saucer shaped appearance. The same shape you’ll note that is necessary for satellite dishes, sonic weapons, particle colliders, and interstellar travel. (This also explains why spike horns are so easy to kill. The energy is harmlessly diffused upward and outward before it can disrupt or distort nearby molecular structures.)

This endows racked bucks with two abilities which allows them to escape well aimed bullets and broad heads. The first is the ability to “branch shift.” Everyone who has taken even a middle school science class knows that organic material is easily manipulated. It’s the same science that causes fruit wood branches to twist in the hands of a well driller dowsing for water. This is how branches shift to protect large bucks the instant they sense danger.

It’s a perfect explanation as to why so many hunters mistakenly conclude that in the excitement of the moment they must have missed seeing a branch or twig. They wrongly blame themselves for not seeing the shot deflecting object; when what really happened is that the twig or branch was protectively manipulated by the energy field between the antlers.

This also explains the other age old mystery every hunter has pondered. Namely, how big racked bucks can walk through densely forested areas without getting their antlers snagged on twigs, vines, and branches? We now know that the undergrowth actually bends out of their way as they slip through the brush. Another mystery solved.

I realize this is a lot of information to digest. So we’ll wait until next time to reveal the second ability large bucks possess. Until then, feel free to share this scientific breakthrough with any distraught hunter who told you they missed a big buck this year.

Jeff Ell is pretty good at catching, killing, picking, and growing things to eat. He regularly finds bemusement in the outdoors and enjoys telling his stories to anyone who will listen. Jeff’s the author of Ruth Uncensored, blogs at pastorjeffell.com. and can be contacted via Facebook or smoke signal.

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