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BOB BROWN: What Good Is A Dad?

Who shall we thank for ridding us of dads?  Influential trend-setters like post-modern deconstruction philosophers must not take all the credit. They are proudly acclaimed for seamlessly rewriting our history.  We are obliged to them for erasing earlier worship of many heroic idols, proving, for example, that George Washington was actually an accomplished liar.

The fundamental question is determining why it took so long to realize that dads are not needed.  In merely 2 decades our value system was changed from the outdated universally accepted moral standards to the present widely accepted authority granted to one’s “inner feelings.”  Historically, no cultural change in basic moral values has more rapidly and widely occurred.  If we can create artificially intelligent robots in unprecedented speed, why has it taken us so very long to recognize the toxicity of testosterone, the artificial intelligent robotic force driving all dads but for prenatal and senescent males.

Those who collect informative data inform us that in 21st century America most of our families are single parent families.  The single parent is usually the mother.  Not only is she a single parent, but she is also the employee in the family, the driver of the kids to numerous activities yet to be of proven value, and the one to take off from work to care for a child who is unwell.  Based on her experience, the mother also came from a single parent home and learned from her mother that dads are best as providers, excel as “dividers,” and are child-like needing guidance if not leashes

Mothers are the “master sculptors” of the child’s unique body image or sense of self, the lifelong innermost sense of one’s worth.  Yes, our sense of self is first a sense of our body.  Our sense of self is loved into being by mothering persons, but mothers are exhausted, frustrated, and feel as if they are running on a treadmill, going nowhere at an unforgiving pace.

Please note that mothers, of necessity, most often drop off their malleable clay at child day care centers where most of the sculpting continues by strangers who are doing their limited, but best, mothering job.  You tell me if there are implications here for the development of gender confusion, and worse, as each child struggles to be valued, to be loved, to be assured by their mom and dad.

Fathers who love their wives are significant role models and influence their children in a powerful and precious way.  When love diminishes, no matter its cause, respect must never falter.  Ongoing studies suggest that the father’s influence on their children’s attachment style, from healthy stable secure attachment style to unhealthy anxious avoidant attachment style is significant and enduring.

Not long ago, the American buffalo was overhunted and became nearly extinct.  Naturalists and conservationists intervened in energetic and inventive ways.  They saved the buffalo from extinction.

We are becoming a nation whose citizens are busy hating their neighbors, sacrificing their children at the alter of substance abuse, and drowning themselves in jarringly loud television commercials. Hypnotized by advertising we endlessly acquire things instead of friends. Every generation refuses to learn from history.  Every generation begins with the discovery of fire.  We have no interest in preventing the extinction of dads, or even slowing down their eradication, not even a return of dads as they were pictured  in the “greatest generation.”

If you happen to live in a two-parent home be thankful.  If you were reared in a two-parent home be thankful.  If you love your dad, even though he was not the best dad in the world, love him more and more.  It is not easy to be a good dad.  Judaea-Christianity is all about a loving Dad.  Of all the limitless ways God could have made His presence known to the world, He chose a two-parent family, Joseph and Mary.  God sent His son Jesus to be reared in a two-parent home.  Joseph was a carpenter, a man who made his living with hands.  Mary was a virgin.

If you want a good dad, or if you want to be a good dad, look for wisdom.  Somewhere in every American home is at least one or more black books covered with dust.  Brush it off and read it with someone whose opinion you trust who can help you understand and accept the love of your Dad in heaven.

You will find that God loved the world so much that He sent his only son to love and take care of you.  God will never leave or forsake you.  He wants to spend time with you.  He wants you to have the wisdom to tell good from evil and to do your darndest to choose good.

He wants you to let Him be the best dad in your life.  When you see your dad for a visit, tell him about the Dad in heaven you are learning about and ask him to read the black book of Bible with you.

Robert S. Brown Sr.

Robert S. Brown, MD, PHD a retired Psychiatrist, Col (Ret) U.S. Army Medical Corps devoted the last decade of his career to treating soldiers at Fort Lee redeploying from combat. He was a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Professor of Education at UVA. His renowned Mental Health course taught the value of exercise for a sound mind.


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