In My Father’s Memory:
Although he was on a hospice bed, I was in constant denial of the fact that he was stepping closer to life’s exit door. Now, my emotion is running around in a circle and my mind is surrendering to his image and memories. I knew death was imminent, but I had never imagined his death.
Before his death I knew he was a man of integrity. And now after his departure, I see this man of integrity in my imagination, everyday.
On Tuesday evening, he was packing up mentally and getting ready spiritually. He called my son and I to his bedroom and while on his bed laying down, he said to my son, “ Rand, I am ready to leave to meet God, listen to your father and take care of your sister.”
On Friday morning, he was ready but I was not. I thought the death would be delayed because of my prayers, and the angel will return to God without him. Indeed, I was in denial and did not want to recognize the arrival of the angel to his house. I was asking God to hold off my father’s departure. But God’s law and plan are based on a complete logic while our plans derive from a moment of emotion.
On a hot sunny day on the holy Friday, his soul took off but not very far. For a while he was still In his room watching us around the house. I knew, yes I knew, and I was not delusional. My father’s death is an unhealable wound as his memories are renewable in my mind every moment. He saw the angels and spoke to God, and he understood the meaning of life and death.
On that Friday, life and death were communicating in my head, and God’s ultimate power could be observed more and more. As I was silently asking questions with no answers, I was observing the weakness of the entire universe in front of God’s power. In a moment that nothing will be remembered except faith in God, man’s characters, and a fulfilling journey. That Friday was inevitable and it radically moved my life to a different level and changed my view about morning sunrise and evening sunset.
He was gone like a smooth breeze of early spring on a scalding day of July. He was gone and left a wound in my soul and a vacuum in my head with no words to describe my feeling and no tears in my eyes to express my emotion. It was the ending of a journey and the beginning of rewinding memories. This is how our lives are continuing without our loved ones.
Every so often, he stops by to see me and mostly I speak as he quietly listens and smiles. I know it is neither a dream nor a delusion.
Death is another stage of human life and a departure from earthly life to eternity.
– Serwan Zangana supported Operation Iraqi Freedom as a U.S Army translator before coming to the U.S from Kurdistan, Iraq in 1997 to seek political asylum. He was granted asylum status and years later proudly became a U.S citizen. He currently serves as a correction officer in Roanoke.