I fell in love with Dottie when I was 16. We lived only 3 city blocks apart, but we shared our love using a radio and a telephone, thanks to Perry Como’s Chesterfield Supper Club broadcast, a 15-minute 7PM daily delight.
Once the show ended, I phoned Dottie and sang to her the songs Perry Como just purred. Dottie and I shared the same ego syntonic delusion (a pleasant one, not ego-dystonic) that Perry and I sang remarkably alike.
Nearly 5 decades later and 71 years of marriage, Perry Como’s songs continue to hold a special place in our meaningful relationship with each other.
Since his rendition of “And I Love You So,” in 1973, one verse appears below, I sign all my love notes to Dottie, “And I love you so,” – Bob.
“And yes, I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me ‘n’ the night won’t set me free
But I don’t let the evening get me down
Now that you’re around me.”
Around our Thanksgiving table today, 14 of our 18 family members were present for each other. From age 2 to 93, each person said what gave them their greatest reason for thankfulness. The topics ranged from health to sobriety, and from Nanna to Gramm.
Afterwards, when Dottie and I and Rosie, our faithful rescue dog, were alone, we were not lonely. “This is the best Thanksgiving we’ve ever had,” I said. Dottie smiled agreeingly.
Sadly, many people today are not surrounded by caring family or friends. According to those who study health issues in the western world, loneliness is a “silent epidemic,” as dangerous to one’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
According to the US Surgeon General, “Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, less lonely, and more connected.”
Easier said than done! The lack of social connection is associated with a 60% increase in premature death, 29% increase in heart disease, 30% increase in stroke, and a 50% increase in dementia.
“We need a culture of connection,” said Dr. Murthy, Surgeon General.
Jesus said it best:
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 22:26-40.
Research indicates that loneliness may stem from the lack of trust in others. Many factors contribute to a general lack of trust in our culture. Postmodernism promotes relativism, denunciation of all absolutes including truth, and the media, by means of technical devices is effectively abolishing logic.
When I ponder how to follow Jesus’ command to love even our enemies, as challenging as it may seem, I have concluded a reasonable first step in loving all our neighbors is to consider everyone with kindness, dignity, and respect, expecting nothing in return.
Until we learn to love we may not survive. Some real examples of the power of love are described in my book, Kindness, Dignity, and Respect; Kind Ways to Dignify, Respect and Love One Another.
Robert S. Brown, MD, PHD a retired Psychiatrist, Col (Ret) U.S. Army Medical Corps devoted the last decade of his career to treating soldiers at Fort Lee redeploying from combat. He was a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Professor of Education at UVA. His renowned Mental Health course taught the value of exercise for a sound mind.
