Have you ever been trapped into a particular way of thinking or acting because you lacked the imagination to think differently? Maybe with a sibling with whom you have the same argument over and over again? Or a political debate with a friend where the issues never fundamentally change? It may be that you’re stuck because of the narrative through which you view the other person or issue.
A narrative is a way we understand and make sense of the world around us. It’s the lens through which we view and interpret the facts at hand.
In his book, Be Not Afraid, Tom Cordaro gives the following illustration of how narratives work: Imagine that you get into a traffic accident on the way home from work. You probably don’t just announce to your family that you wrecked the car and leave it at that. What you do is tell a story about your experience. In fact, you begin constructing the story about the accident within moments after the crash.
Before getting home, you may have already compared your story with that of others who might have been involved in the accident. The police may have required you to tell them your story. On your way home from the accident, you were still constructing and reconstructing the story in your mind, this time from a different point of view because your audience (your family) would have a different set of concerns.
A year or two later, after the trauma associated with the crash had subsided, you may add new pieces to the story. It might become a cautionary tale on the importance of safe driving, or it might become a funny story of unfortunate circumstances, or it could become a testament to the horrors of the insurance industry bureaucracy. In the end, the story you create to make sense of the crash ends up being more important than the crash itself (Cordaro, Be Not Afraid, 76-77).
What it comes down to is this: the narratives through which we think we understand other people and other circumstances heavily influence the relationships and the outcomes that will be possible. If we’re stuck in the same old narrative, then change will be difficult or impossible. But if we can learn to interpret events through a new narrative, then all kinds of outcomes are possible.
When we talk about conflict resolution and peacemaking, the power of narrative is a critical part of the discussion. So many conflicts in the world are perpetuated because people are stuck in old ways of viewing their enemy. Old hurts, past mistakes, and present bad acts all contribute to a narrative that says “this person is bad, and I am a victim.” But what if we began to learn a new narrative, and what if that narrative began to influence the way I respond?
In Matthew 5: 38-39, Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, ‘Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.’”
For most victims of a face-slap, this seems like an invitation to be knocked down again. But there is a piece of cultural tradition here that is lost on our ears. In the culture of Jesus’ day, the right hand was used for greeting and eating (social interactions), the left hand for going to the bathroom (personal cleanliness). No one, no matter how angry they were, would slap someone with their left hand. Because of this, a slap on the right cheek by a right hand would be a backhanded slap. It is the slap of disrespect.
When Jesus says “turn the other cheek” it may very well result in our getting slapped again. But maybe it changes things. Maybe it forces the other person to ask themselves if they want to slap us again. Maybe other people see our courage and become sympathetic to our suffering. Maybe it changes the narrative through which people view us.
Perhaps you think that “turning the other cheek” can’t work. But it does. This is the method used by Martin Luther King, Jr. to capture the imagination of America during the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s.
On December 24, 1967, King described this attitude with these words: “Somehow we must be able to stand up against our most bitter opponents and say: We shall match your capacity to inflict suffering by our capacity to endure suffering. We will meet your physical force with soul force. Do to us what you will and we will still love you…. But be assured that we’ll wear you down by our capacity to suffer, and one day we will win our freedom. We will not only win freedom for ourselves; we will appeal to your heart and conscience that we will win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory.”
Can we imagine a new narrative? Where do we need to turn the other cheek today?
Tim Harvey, Pastor
Central Church of the Brethren
