Motherhood, I’m learning, is a series of seasons. None of them are truly easy; they’re all hard in different ways. We make it through one challenging season only to find ourselves stepping into another, and just when we think we’ve found our footing, a new set of challenges appears. Each season asks something different of us, and each comes with its own kind of hard.
I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how difficult the newborn days were. You remember the sleepless nights, the frequent feedings, and the worries that all new parents have. But one day, almost without warning, you realize the newborn season is over, and you’re in a new but equally challenging one. I’m convinced this pattern continues for the rest of our lives because motherhood, even with grown children, is never easy.
With different seasons of motherhood come opportunities for growth, and I’m not talking about the growth of our children. While they are growing right before our eyes, it is actually us that is being stretched and grown too. I’m not the same person I was the day I brought my first child into this world, and I won’t be the person I am today when my youngest child moves out of my house. I don’t always understand how I’m growing or what I am learning while I’m walking through a particular season, but I can look back and see the change.
Part of what makes the changing seasons of motherhood so hard is learning to navigate the expectations that arrive with each new stage. And those expectations arrive earlier than we’d probably like to admit. If we’re being honest, they start on day one with a newborn in our arms. There are expectations about how a baby should be fed, which products are the safest, and whether or not moms should work outside the home. Then there are expectations about how children should be educated. Even in the earliest days of motherhood, there is no shortage of opinions about what is best.
Sometimes those expectations come from friends or family. Other times, they come from culture, social media, and the standards we measure ourselves against without even realizing it. But often, and arguably more importantly, expectations come from ourselves. We place unnecessary pressure on ourselves out of a genuine desire to do the very best for our children. We want to get it right. We want to do our best so they can be their best. But what begins as the best intentions can quickly, and sometimes quietly, become interference that works against our best efforts.
I believe our priorities are more important than our own expectations, or anyone else’s, for that matter. Expectations focus on accomplishments; priorities focus on importance. If the expectation is to give a child every opportunity that comes up, the result is often a packed calendar, overwhelm, burnout, and strained relationships. If the priority is long-term growth rather than short-term achievement, then an open calendar that allows downtime and family connection becomes more important.
Your family’s priorities may look different from your friends’ and family’s expectations. Your priorities may even require you to re-evaluate your own expectations, and that’s where the growth happens. When we let go of our own expectations to make room for the things that are most important, that is when real growth begins. And this time I am talking about the growth of our children, and the growth of a mother, too. Not that the growth in this season will be easy, because it never is, but it will be worth it.
Becky is a wife, mom of four boys, nurse, and Functional Health Practitioner who’s passionate about helping women feel like themselves again. After spending over a decade in women’s health, it was her own journey through motherhood that highlighted the gaps in our healthcare system.
Now, she applies her medical knowledge through a functional medicine lens to uncover the root causes of symptoms and help women move from surviving to thriving. Becky is the founder of Rooted and Restored Functional Health, where she walks with moms looking for real answers and lasting wellness. Learn more at www.rootedandrestoredhealth.com
