Frank was my brother-law. When I was a child, I spent a lot of time with Frank and my sister, Christine. Oddly, I was always afraid of Frank, a tall, taciturn, gangly man, long deceased as is Christine, but I was also strongly drawn to him.
Frank was a “Street Cleaner” for our city, but he was proud of his farm 20 miles north of the city. Every night after work, Frank transported restaurant garbage to his farm for hogs. On weekends, I frequently accompanied Frank to his farm, sitting quietly during the journey. The squealing and battling animals impatiently waiting to be fed is fixed in my memory.
In the 1930s, all the cars had running boards beneath each door for standing. Frank was known for his anger. When other drivers annoyed him in traffic, Frank would jump out of his car, climb on the other driver’s running board, shout angrily at the driver or punch the driver if his window permitted it.
Frank raised chickens in his backyard. Each morning, he was fond of gathering the eggs, but one morning the expected number of eggs was mysteriously missing. When Frank learned Christine had gathered a few eggs for cooking, he angrily stood over her. He instructed her to eat a dozen eggs as he watched.
After 18 years of marriage, Christine finally quietly left Frank without indicating her plans or whereabouts for 3 years. Frank was indisposed in a hospital for a critical accidental injury at his farm. When Frank returned to an empty home, he was pitifully puzzled, unaware of what could have caused his wife to leave him. He came to my mother, begging for his wife’s address. No one, including my mother, knew how to contact Christine.
Frank slowly recovered from his injury. His consumption of alcohol worsened. On more than one occasion, the rescue squad raced him to the hospital for alcohol induced seizures. Helplessly, I watched Frank wither into terminal illness and death.
How is it possible an intelligent, responsible, and functional person can possess a damaging angry temperament and remain unaware of its costliness? The answer does not come easily, but sadly it tends to be the nature of this malady.
Untamed anger is a common cause of divorce, illness, injury, and undue suffering. Long before the proliferation of “self-help books” there was the more successful “God helps” book, the Bible, widely recognized as the world’s best-selling book.
I wish I had more thoughtfully studied the Bible throughout my life. My approach to the inspired word of God, I regretfully confess, is like having the best car in the world in my garage but seldom driving it.
The Bible tells us how to tame our anger. Despite its difficulty, we are to be truthful even when angry. There are a thousand ways to be truthful, but Christians are told to speak the truth only and always in one way, “in love,” Ephesians 4:15. Speaking the truth in love tells us to “edify” or encourage each other. 1 Corinthians 8:1. “To edify someone is to teach them in a way that improves their mind or character.”
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26, 27.
One of the smallest parts of the human body, yet so difficult to control, is the tongue. Today, the tongue is the six-shooter of the old west. It is the weapon commonly used against our perceived opponents. The good taste of food is derived from the tongue which can also be used to upset those around the table.
Paul the Apostle’s views on untamed anger, written between 53 and 57 AD, align closely with the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association), published in 2022, despite him not having access to it.
Paul’s list of sins includes hatred, contention, jealousy, and fits of wrath or rage. Galatians 5:19-21. The DSM’s symptoms include temper tantrums, tirades, and verbal arguments.
Bottom Line: anger is a normal human emotion. Jesus was angry with the “money changers” who turned the Temple into a “den of thieves. When anger is untamed, it is like a fire ignited on the living room floor, not in the fireplace.
When you sense anger emerging do not permit yourself to go into a fit of rage. Consider Solomon’s wisdom: “A wrathful man stirs up strife,
But he who is slow to anger allays contention.” Proverbs 15:18.
It is impossible to be emotionally upset and calm at the same time. No one can think and behave normally if they permit themselves to engage in rage. “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” James 1:19.
You might feel mistreated at work, home, or church. While I may not understand, God knows and never abandons us. He fills us with His Spirit and urges us to speak the truth lovingly and constructively, even when angry. Following God’s guidance brings a sense of peace, much like the song “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”
Anger may cost the ultimate price when revenge is sought.
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19
Robert S. Brown, MD, PHD a retired Psychiatrist, Col (Ret) U.S. Army Medical Corps devoted the last decade of his career to treating soldiers at Fort Lee redeploying from combat. He was a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Professor of Education at UVA. His renowned Mental Health course taught the value of exercise for a sound mind.