If you’re on social media for any amount of time, you pretty quickly see that there is mixed content. Some of it is positive and gives you really good ideas to implement or things to think about. But sometimes content leaves you feeling like a failure, even if it was posted with the best intentions. There’s a post that circulates every now and then that says something along the lines of “What a privilege it is to clean this home that was disorganized by my healthy children playing, to do more dishes because my babies got 3 meals today, and to do the never ending laundry because we all have clothes to wear.” And while that sentiment isn’t inherently wrong, it isn’t always encouraging to the reader.
Motherhood is something to be grateful for. It is also incredibly hard.
Our culture has blurred the lines between gratitude and real life, as if acknowledging how difficult motherhood can be somehow diminishes the love we have for our family or the appreciation we feel for the blessings in our lives. But that just isn’t true. In fact, pretending otherwise can erode our mental health, sometimes without us even noticing.
Mothers today are carrying far more than just toddlers and diaper bags. We are juggling careers, extracurricular schedules, household responsibilities, emotional realities, mental load, financial pressure, and the never-ending ups and downs of keeping everyone else regulated; most of the time, while putting our own needs last. Many of us do this without extended family support, without breaks, and without clear boundaries between work and home. Feeling overwhelmed isn’t a lack of gratitude; it’s a normal human response. But we are repeatedly exposed to messages that frame exhaustion as a lack of thankfulness, and the result is damaging. We begin to doubt ourselves, we feel guilty for our feelings, and we wonder if we’re doing something wrong because our lives don’t always feel joyful.
This is what psychologists refer to as emotional invalidation, when a person’s internal experience is minimized or dismissed. Emotional invalidation doesn’t make feelings go away over time; it teaches people to suppress them. Formoms, that suppression can look like chronic stress, irritability, anxiety, emotional numbness, or burnout. Not because we are broken or failing, but because we’ve been taught that we’re not allowed to talk about it. It’s important to talk about how we are feeling because oftentimes our feelings don’t reflect the truth. We can feel like we are failing at motherhood, but the truth is, we are doing our best. Motherhood is hard.
Another layer that contributes to a decline in our mental health is something called toxic positivity. Being positive isn’t bad, but when it’s used to override reality, that’s when it becomes dangerous. Phrases like “You’ll miss this someday,” or “Soak it all in while you can,” can unintentionally communicate that the present struggle shouldn’t be acknowledged because it’s meaningful or fleeting. Just because it’s meaningful doesn’t make it easy, and just because it’s temporary doesn’t make it enjoyable.
Two truths can exist at the same time: You can be deeply grateful for your family, and you can still feel exhausted, overstimulated, and overwhelmed. When moms feel pressure to choose between gratitude and honesty, honesty is usually the one that is suppressed. And when honesty is lost, so is our connection to ourselves and to others.
There’s also a very real consequence to this narrative: it discourages mothers from asking for help. If overwhelm is framed as a failure of perspective instead of a sign of overload, then it should be no surprise when seeking support feels like failure. Many mothers push past their limits not because they’re strong and not because they have no choice, but because they feel ashamed to admit they’re struggling. This is one reason so many women don’t reach out until they’re already running on empty, which isn’t a badge of honor, by the way.
Moms don’t need to be reminded to be grateful; most of us already are. What we need is permission to be honest about our reality without the guilt. We need our friends and family to listen without judgment and without being dismissive. A healthier message sounds something like this: “It’s okay to love your life and still feel overwhelmed by it.” That wording doesn’t diminish gratitude; it protects mental health. It validates our feelings, and it encourages connection instead of isolation. When moms are overwhelmed, we feel like we are the only ones to experience struggle in motherhood. It helps to hear that other moms have similar experiences. Acknowledging how hard motherhood can be doesn’t mean we love our children less; it means we’re human. When we accept that truth, we open the door for real support, real healing, and a much more enjoyable journey through life.
Don’t let social media or anyone else diminish your reality. You can be grateful for your family and still be overwhelmed with everything it takes to care for them. If other moms in your life were honest, they’d tell you they’ve been where you are. You’re never alone, even if it feels that way. If you’re running on empty and aren’t sure what to do next, it really is ok to ask for help. “When a mother is restored, everything around her begins to heal too.”
Becky is a wife, mom of four boys, nurse, and Functional Health Practitioner who’s passionate about helping women feel like themselves again. After spending over a decade in women’s health, it was her own journey through motherhood that highlighted the gaps in our healthcare system.
Now, she applies her medical knowledge through a functional medicine lens to uncover the root causes of symptoms and help women move from surviving to thriving. Becky is the founder of Rooted and Restored Functional Health, where she walks with moms looking for real answers and lasting wellness. Learn more at www.rootedandrestoredhealth.com
