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Wild Bill’s Weekly Sports Roundup

by Bill Turner

 OK, readers- I’m granting you a full timeout. Not a 30-second TO, a full. It’s well documented that many of you grab at each week’s edition and tear the pages apart to get to the Wild Bill column first thing.

Obviously, I’m flattered and understand your euphoria that another Wild Bill expose’ is at your fingertips.

But, this week, you need to go to the huddle. Regroup, and return to page one. For those of you who haven’t already spotted it, we have a new banner- The Roanoke; or The Roanoke Star for those readers with 14-letter limitations.

Quite frankly, speaking for those of us in the sports department, I never could spell Senitenial (or whatever it was) anyway. I often coughed it up as Centennial, Sententia, or even Sentipede (that’s a bug with a thousand legs, give or take 900…..often spelled with a ‘c’)

 I want to compliment the publisher for the change, so I can concentrate on writing this column without having to practice saying ‘aluminum’ ten times.

Now, it’s time to spell everything out in sports, from the Kentucky Derby to the ‘Big-11’ baseball and softball Top-3, to the ever-popular Wild-Bill late-night product reviews. Hold on to your saddle and get your feet in the stirrups- it’s post time.

Saturday’s Derby winner, “I’ll Have Another”, was quite the performer in the last 300 yards. The name alone should have offered a clear hunch-play for me. But, there’s still two races left with the May 19th Preakness and June Belmont Stakes. So what better time than to offer Wild Bill’s “Know Your Triple Crown Racing.”

If you find a sucker that thinks this horse is unbeatable, keep in mind only 11 horses have won the triple crown, the last in 1978.

Also, in 1968, we had a presidential candidate attend the Derby, whereupon the winner, Dancer’s Image, was disqualified for cheating. It was old tricky-Dick Nixon in the crowd. Draw your own conclusion if Obama shows up at the Preakness and a horse named Solyndra goes off at 9-to-1.

The Wild Bill ‘Big-11’ baseball Top-3 stays pat this week with Lord Botetourt (16-1), Northside (16-1) and Hidden Valley (11-4-1) holding steady in the 1-3 spots. A shakeup may be in the cards May 15th when Botetourt visits Northside with the Blue Ridge regular season title on the line.

In the softball Top-3, Northside has pulled away from the pack with its win over Byrd Tuesday, and a 17-1 mark. Byrd stays in the place position at 13-5, while Glenvar shows at 13-4.

We close this week with a pair of late-night products that I unfortunately reviewed during the recent Washington Nationals west-coast swing against the Dodgers.

First, the infamous ‘shticky’. This is pitched to be an essential gadget that picks up lint, pet hair and crumbs from a silicone-coated roller. I always thought silicone prevented sticking, but I’m not a chemist; therefore I’ll take their word.

For one price, you originally got a little shticky and a medium shticky. The new offer says you can now have a big shticky, which is long, for hard-to-reach places. I got interested at this point, but when I woke my wife up and asked if she’d like a big shticky for Mother’s Day, she cut off the game in the middle of the sixth inning, before I got the toll-free number.

Last, but not least, we have Dr. Peter Popoff’s Miracle Spring Water. (Hey guys, I swear I’m not making this up.) The doctor says the small cachet, if sprinkled properly, assures debt cancellation. Several people offer unsolicited testimonials that they bought the water, and money unexplicably appeared in their checking account. Where’s the FCC gone? Caveat emptor on this one, or you’ll get the big shticky for sure.

Until next week, enjoy our new banner and send those comments to” [email protected]

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