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Wild Bill’s Weekly Sports Roundup

by Bill Turner

The  VHSL Final-4 is in full swing at the Virginia Commonwealth University Siegel Center in Richmond. Last week we showed the 8 Roanoke-area teams still alive in state playoff action as they headed into the weekend matchups. Five were eliminated and three remained as the semifinal round started Tuesday. Here’s a look at our local team’s games heading up to championship-Saturday, March 10th.

Group AA Division 3 Boys: at VCU Tuesday, Mar. 6th. Result: Cave Spring- 76   Fluvanna County- 59. Next-Cave Spring (18-11) vs Brunswick (28-2) at VCU- Saturday 1:00pm championship.

Group AA Division 4 Girls: at VCU Wednesday, Mar. 7th. Salem (21-6)  vs Courtland (29-0) 10:30am. Next-winner above vs Millbrook (29-0)  VCU- Saturday 7:00pm championship

Group A Division 2 Girls: at VCU Thursday, Mar. 8th. Glenvar (23-5) vs Geo. Mason (24-5) 8:45pm. Next-winner above vs Gate City/Stuarts Draft winner. VCU- Saturday 3:00pm championship.

Good luck to our remaining three teams in their quest to bring home a state championship!

With March Madness almost upon us, and those West coast basketball games on the horizon, it’s time to take our periodic look at Wild Bill’s late-night consumer product update.There is apparently a trend in naming new gadgets with two-letter names, and the pair we review in this segment are quite the product.

First, in what would best be described as being in the telecommunications field, we have the now-infamous GoJo.

When I first saw the pitch for this thing, I was convinced it was a Saturday Night Live skit. Supposedly, a hands-free suction cup that holds any type of telephone handset or cell phone, the GoJo accuses all other phones, since they touch your ear, as being “gross.”

After reviewing my calling habits for the last half-century, I realize that all the phones I’ve ever used were apparently gross.

The GoJo claims it is high-tech because you can easily answer any call with the speed of ‘One-Mississippi.’ I vaguely remember my days as an athlete at a local secretarial college, but I could swear we were told in telephone-etiquette class to answer with “hello” or “good afternoon” and never with numbers or states in your salutatory introduction.

We’re shown that with the GoJo, you can readily do a backward somersault flip while talking. Sorry guys, but if I need to do a somersault flip while talking on the phone, I’ll simply tell the person on the other end to hold on, and set the receiver down. No need to risk strangling yourself with a phone cord.

The GoJo’s strength is shown by holding a 5-pound laptop computer to the user’s ear. In my estimation, that’s a good way to get targeted for a traffic stop, as soon as an officer sees a laptop plastered to the side of your face.

The clincher with the GoJo is that they will quadruple your order and send you four for the price of one. To me, that’s a sure sign something is getting ready to fall apart.

The Wild Bill rating on the GoJo is a NoGo.

Next, we move to the NoNo device. Supposedly, a gadget to remove hair from one end of your body to the other. I haven’t inspected the instruction pamphlet to review the list of body locations, and have no intention of doing so.

According to the pitch, the NoNo has been sold to 2 million people in 50 countries. I don’t think it has caught on in Roanoke, since I see a lot of hairy people still running around.

Plus, one scene of a NoNo user looks suspiciously like the top of Rutherford B. Hayes’ head. Like a savvy stock analyst, I’m giving the NoNo a neutral so-so rating. I’m going to wait until I try it out on my cat’s fur balls.

Until next week, send your consumer confidence ratings to: [email protected]      

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